TITLE: Ocean 1/1
AUTHOR: Maria Stensgaard Rasmussen (MiZzKaT)
EMAIL: misssupermaster@icqmail.com
FEEDBACK: Yes please. Just be gentle. It is my first time. ;)
ARCHIVE/DISTRIBUTION: Uh.. Like you'd want to *G* Juzt azk.
SUMMARY: DARLA looking back at her life and her relationship with
ANGELUS. Or something. Read it.
SPOILERS: Uhm.. U guys know about Angel/Angelus, right? Then none ;)
CONTENT/WARNINGS: Uh… A baby-killing?
Pairings: D/A(us)
RATING: PG-something. Give me a hint here, in Denmark we have babies
watching the Exorcist. (almost).
DISCLAIMER: You know the drill. Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox, and
probably a whole lot of other nice folks, who all seem to have a lot
more money than me, own all of this. I just borrow it when they all
sleep at night (day?).
NOTE: My VERY first fic… Was very tired when I wrote this so please
forgive me for any typos or bad English. And, oh, why the heck I
wrote a Darla/Angel(us) story I have NO idea… Never really thought
about them. Am a Spikey kinda girl. Was just re-watching Season 2 on
DVD and got to thinking… If Buffy felt that way when Angel changed,
how did Darla feel a hundred years earlier?

*************************

Darla looked around in her room. It was a nice room. Expensive. With
a lovely view of the ocean. She loved the ocean. It seemed so dark
and seducing. Sometimes she'd try to remember what it looked like in
the sunlight. She never succeeded. It was always the same. She would
sit in front of the window, look out and try to imagine what it
looked like bathed in a bright, golden, divine sun. She would sit
there for nights on end, only going out to feed. Angelus had mocked
her on those nights, telling her that they were demons and it wasn't
appropriate. They should be out causing mayhem. He was right, of
course.

Angelus. Her darling boy. Her lover. Her protector. He was always
right. He was the bravest and meanest vampire she had ever known. She
admired him so. He would do anything to please her. Together they had
sought out all of the cataclysms and riots and any occasion for a
good killing. Chaos was the perfect state of nature. Together they
had killed off families. They had taken the babies from their mothers
and made them look while they sometimes violently ripped the babies'
throats out and sometimes gently bit into the soft flesh and slowly
drank until their little hearts stopped beating. The fear. The anger.
The heartbreak. The despair. She loved it. She could feel it
everywhere. It made her want more, and Angelus always made sure that
she got what she wanted. She was happy.

They said that demons couldn't love, but what did they know? In her
experience it was man who couldn't love. Humans were so filthy, so
vulgar and so disgusting. She remembered what being alive was like.
Although she was too old to remember every detail, she remembered
being poor. She remembered being beat. She remembered the shame, the
abuse, the hurt… Though she didn't really remember. She was not able
to identify with those feelings anymore. She just remembered it being
very bad and hurtful. So very unlike now. Now she felt great. No
guilt, no remorse, no stinking soul.

That's what the Slayer used to justify slaughtering vampires. At
least vampires didn't have a choice. What about those human who did
have a soul but chose to be bad? They were the one who supposed to
die. In Darla's opinion, vampires were no worse than any other
predatory animals. No, wait, vampires were the predators and human
were the animals. Like cows, only better tasting.

She smiled and looked out at the ocean again. It looked so calm. So
deep. So innocent and beautiful. Yet she knew how dangerous it was,
and she knew how many lives it had claimed. It thrilled her. Of
course, she couldn't drown, but she felt drawn to it. Drawn to try
and see how deep she could go before the pressure got too big, or how
far she could go out before she got too tired and too hungry to go
on. It was calling her name. Telling her that out there everything
would be all right again. Like before.

Nothing was all right anymore. She was no longer happy. She had been
crying just now. She had lost her love. Vampires weren't supposed to
appreciate beauty, to love or to cry. Yet she did it all. She had
never known love before and now her love had been taken away and
replaced with this `Angel' as he liked to call himself. He had always
been her angel. Her angel of Death.

He had tried to love her. Tried to be her Angelus. She had seen the
hurt and sacrifice in his eyes. Yet he was not Angelus, he would
never be Angelus. They had parted. She was all alone again. Dru had
always been Angelus' and Spike had always been Dru's. She had no one
anymore.

The ocean was calling her. Telling her to become a part of its
incredible and undiscovered world. Telling her that in its sweet
embrace she would never be hurt ever again. Telling her that even
though God had never accepted her as one of his children that it
would accept her… If only she would come to it.

Yes. She would come. And as she now saw it bathed in the moonlight,
she would soon see it bathed in the sunlight. The bright, golden,
divine sunlight. See the sun. One last time. Then no pain ever again.

End